Some people never go through a prolonged stage of shock and are able to express their emotions immediately.  Others might say, "I feel numb" and no feelings or tears come out.  Still others might need to say, "This didn't really happen like this!" and may deny the details of the death.  Gradually though, as reality edges in, the bereaved become aware of what has happened and they are able to identify and express their emotions.  This natural process serves a protective function and cannot be rushed.

Many people begin their grieving process at this point.  It is healthy to verbally and physically express emotions by mourning what was lost, (example: crying, screaming, beating pillows, talking about feelings, etc.).  Some people, particularly men, require "permission" to cry or to show temporary "weakness".  If the expression of these intense emotions is suppressed, the energy of those feelings often comes out in other, less controlled ways, (example: physical or emotional illnesses).

The bereaved try to think of other things, but finds him/herself unable to shift his/her mind from thoughts about the deceased.  This is normal.

These distresses come in waves and vary in duration.  Some common distresses are:

• Tightness in the throat, choking and shortness of breath.
• Stiffness in shoulders; muscle soreness.
• A "hollow" feeling in the stomach and/or nausea.
• A need for constant sighing.
• Lack of energy and muscular power, (example: hard to climb stairs); everything seems heavy.
• Sleeping and eating disturbances, (example: food tastes like sand).
• Auditory and visual hallucinations, especially of the deceased.

Closely associated with physical distresses are emotional and intellectual alterations such as:

• Slight sense of unreality or dream-like state.
• Feelings of emotional distance from people.
• Temporary loss of memory.

There is often disconcerting loss of warmth in relationships and a tendency to respond with irritability and anger.  These feelings are surprising and inexplicable to the bereaved and often leave them feeling like they are going insane.  Anger may be directed at the doctor, funeral director, friends, family, God, clergy, or at themselves.  Again, this is a natural part of the grieving process.

There is usually some sense of self-reproach in grief.  The bereaved dwell on the many things that they could have or should have done, and they accuse themselves of negligence.  Furthermore, if a person saw himself as hostile toward the deceased or playing a role in the circumstances of the death, (example: survivors of suicide often feel "responsible"), guilt will likely be the dominant emotion.

The bereaved may feel there is nothing to live for.  Often, the deceased had provided so much meaning in the mourner's life that without them, nothing seems worthwhile.  They feel hopeless for the future and helpless to affect any control in their lives, so it is not uncommon for them to think of suicide.  The bereaved experience desolation resulting from deprivation of someone they had invested tremendous emotional energy in.

It is normal for the bereaved to withdraw from social relationships if they need to.  Sometimes, regular daily routines of conduct can be disrupted as the bereaved experience a general lack of interest in many things.

Time and work (i.e. exploration of feelings) will finally result in reduced pain.   Some light starts to peak through all the gloom and darkness of despair.   The person begins to readjust to his/her environment from which the deceased is missing and forms new routines and relationships.

The bereaved gradually readjust, though the scar remains.  There will be times when these grief stages might reappear even though the mourners may have thought that it was "all over."  It is normal for this to happen for up to many years, possibly forever to some degree.  Grief after a significant loss is seldom ever "resolved", but people can be happy again in spite of the loss they had suffered.